One Step At A Time

I read the story of Sr. Magdalena of the Cross and to be really honest it frightened me. I never knew such a thing existed or could even happen.  It made me realize how cunning or deceitful the evil one is even to the extent of manipulating God’s chosen people. At the same time I wondered how God could let it happen to His chosen, beloved people. Why?

It made me ponder upon my life and my journey with God and I wondered if I got it right with God. I’ll be graduating soon and hereafter I wonder where I should be. Where does God want me to be? What does He want for me or of me? I have friends who jokingly tell me I should be a nun but I realize I want to be married; I want to share my life with somebody. I want to be a missionary and I want to do something worthwhile with my life. I want to die knowing I lived for something worth living for. I want to follow God’s will perfectly even if it means not having what I want and giving up my dreams.

How do you know what God wants? I am afraid of getting it wrong and screwing up. Lately I’ve been lazy and procrastinating a lot and I realize it hurts God because I’m not making an effort to not only be faithful in prayer but to actually make a difference in my own life in the way I lived. I am honestly so proud of my friends because they’re genuinely growing in their faith and walk with God and I can honestly tell you they’re gonna change the world someday. Their zest and zeal for God made me realize how much I’ve been slacking behind. I tend to turn to God more only when I need Him and that’s not right at all.

”…Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will come close to you.” –James 4:7-8

That comforted me a little. Haha. Cause I definitely want nothing to do with the devil. Prayer I realize is essential. My brother said something the other day out of the blue that really struck me. He said, “Prayer is you talking to God, meditation is you Listening to God.” I thought that was really wise of him. Seeing that he was joking around saying it.

“Be still and know that I am God.” –Psalm 46: 10

Someone once said, “God is not the author of confusion, if you’re confused take a step back.” Where there is peace there is God and I realize sometimes one step at a time is enough with God. You don’t have to see your whole future or even the next step.  Maybe the reason for uncertainty and not knowing is so we learn to trust God more and not rely on our own strength. I realize regardless of how you may feel it’s important to always know and remember God is in control despite the things that go wrong in our lives and God never ever abandons us. He always makes sure we come out stronger and better from whatever situation it is He chooses to let us experience or go through just like Sr. Magdalena. And rest assured, the tougher the situation the bigger Our God is. Everything He permits to happen happens so that His power and might can shine forth so powerfully and beautifully even if at the moment it takes time to see but what God wants through it all is obedience.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Everything falls to place in the end. Maybe it doesn’t turn out the way we planned it or thought it would be but it always turns out the way it was meant to be.

Thank You Jesus! 

Words...

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway."
-- Dr. Kent M. Keith

God I Pray...

Amen.

I am a Christian

When I say..."I am a Christian" 
I'm not shouting, "I am saved" 
I'm whispering, "I was lost" 
That is why I chose this way. 

When I say..."I am a Christian" 
I don't speak of this with pride. 
I'm confessing that I stumble 
And need someone to be my guide. 

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are all too visible,
But God believes I'm worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
Which is why I speak His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved ♥

-Carol Wimmer

Pray for him!

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I see You (Ramblings from a deep thought)

Someone once asked, “Am I naïve to believe in people?”  The reply that came was, “It’s not naïve, it’s faith.”

Sometimes I wonder, “Am I naïve?” It feels like I get my heart broken so many times every time I choose to believe. It makes me afraid to hope. Afraid to feel. Makes you wonder what’s really real anymore. What does it mean to dream? What does it mean to have your dreams come true? What is a dream really?  Is it really a wish that the heart makes or is it just a passing infatuation? Do you give up or just keep going on, believing that it’s real…is that naiveness or faith? How do you distinguish the two?

Do you ever go through life and think, “Maybe I am better off alone. I am comfortable that way. No need to worry, no need to think too much. You just be.” I want to just be and not think or feel or worry. Sometimes life doesn’t feel real. It gets complicated and maybe you don’t need that. You start to wonder if hope is real. If everything you’ve ever believed in is real or just a sham. The truth in this world is really hard to find. There are countless possibilities, endless answers and questions but I just need one. The truth. What does it mean to be alive? What does it mean to be happy? Is there more to life? I can’t imagine but I hope to feel it. Experience it. Be surrounded by it.

Every time I choose to believe I trust God with it and often I try to see with the eyes of faith. Believing that everything that happens, happens for a reason and if faith is taking a leap of faith regardless of whether it’s in a relationship or circumstances I think I’ve fallen so many times I lost count and I wonder where was god in all this. Why did he lead me to this when I put all my faith and trust in him?  Believing that He was guiding me all along. It’s not easy to truly follow god whole heartedly and not rebel or get angry at one point or another especially if you’re trying your hardest to follow him. It’s in times like this that you feel like giving up because you genuinely don’t know what He wants anymore. You did everything you could. You struggle seeking the truth. It doesn’t make sense. Maybe this is what it means to be refined by the refiners’ fire. Or to just be human…

I think of how imperfect people are. Maybe it’s in the poor choices we make or it’s the things in us that we deliberately refuse to not see and choose to live with like, anger or pride, unforgiveness, selfishness or whatever and I can’t imagine living that way. I choose forgiveness and letting go and being at peace and free and detached. Maybe that’s why I don’t get mad as easily. I hurt more. I shy away from conflict. Maybe because I want so much to believe in the good in people or to just be optimistic despite the circumstances and maybe that’s why it’s difficult to trust because either way you don’t really get what you hoped for and it makes you wonder, how does God fit in the equation?  Maybe some people don’t see the way I see but if faith is real and strong, isn’t it enough? I bet you need lots of it then and maybe I don’t have enough of it. Or maybe faith is also looking at both sides of the coin and deciding  whether or not to take the leap. Maybe I have naïve faith, not smart faith but isn’t faith in a way supposed to be illogical?

Someone once said, “You don’t have to be perfect, faithfulness is what God wants.” I think it’s true but at the same time I don’t want to use it as an excuse to not strive to be better. It amazes me the faith that God must have in me or people because we’re far from perfect and there’s so much to learn and do and I’m not all me 100%. I can only hope to be everything He wants me to be because apart from Him I don’t think life would be meaningful, would it? Or that I would find who I really am.

 I am in awe of how you can be imperfect and still be loved. I feel like I have to earn being loved sometimes and I shy away because I don’t think that’s the way it’s supposed to be. It should come naturally with nothing to prove or hide and people just see you... I don’t get how people can love you despite your flaws. It’s the test of true love I think.  Do you ever feel like you’re searching for something but you don’t really know what it is? I feel that way. Makes me wonder what I’m not seeing…

I don’t like coincidences; they make me think…a little too much sometimes. I think just like a family who believes and sees the good person in you despite the rubbish you do sometimes, I think that’s how God believes in us…He has faith in us and it makes you wanna be better and push on forward no matter how hard because at the end of the day no matter how many leaps of faith you take I realize He took the bigger leap. I don’t  think it would have been easy for me but I don’t think Jesus hesitated one second when He agreed to live His whole life just to die for me or you. That is the kind of love I hope to give away. The kind that is quiet but strong and true and maybe I’m not exactly ready yet but maybe God’s preparing me for it. Who knows? You learn from experience right? And maybe all our learnings will lead us to that kindred spirit or soul we seek and helps us believe again...beautiful thought no? ;)